biblical restoration and reconciliation
In mid-2018 I accepted a full time position with The Bonhoeffer Project. I informed the church I was serving at the time and we worked out a plan to move forward and for me begin with TBP in January 2019. That plan fell through when I was fired from my church position on October 4, 2018. Over the next few weeks the position at TBP was put on hold leaving me fired from one job and unable to move to the job I had been planning on taking. This was, to say the least, one of the most difficult things my family has ever been through. I do not write this today to cast blame or speak badly about any party involved, actually the opposite. Over that year, and now several that have followed, I have had the privilege to see what I believe biblical restoration and reconciliation look like. What follows is what that looked like along with some advice on how to walk through similar situations.
Love and Concern
I vividly remember those difficult conversations with Bill [Hull] in the weeks and months that followed. There were a number of phone calls and we met in person as we had been previously scheduled to be at a conference together. The phone call after our National Leadership Team had met and made the decision of how to move forward was not an easy call to go through. They had decided to set me to the side for a time and not move forward with me coming on staff full time.
Throughout the entire process the one takeaway from every conversation was that I was loved and the people involved in the decision making process had concern for my well-being and for my family. In the midst of a crisis it is comforting to know that people have genuine love and concern for you. This came across in the tone of the conversations and questions. We had conversations about what was going on and the details of the events, but it was clear those were fact finding and not accusatory. The conversations went deeper than just information and into how I was doing and how my family was doing. As we walked through this together it was not just love and concern from one person, but from multiple people. These simple reminders were encouraging as we moved forward.
We are called to love one another. It is easy to forget this main tenant of the faith in the midst of turmoil, but this is what will set us apart and allow us to show the onlooking world what the love of Jesus truly looks like. Our love for one another will cause us to have concern for the well-being of those around us no matter what is going on or how badly we may be hurt. If you find yourself in difficult situations and where difficult conversations and decisions have to be made, remember to love each other and demonstrate that love by having genuine concern for those involved.
Presence
During trials in our lives it is easy to feel like we are going at it alone and this is why we need to be present. During the difficult conversations and during the time after the difficult decisions were made, the men and women of The Bonhoeffer Project did not disappear from my life. They still called and talked to me about what was going on in my life and theirs. It is this presence that encouraged us along the way. This presence was not only in conversation, but in offering genuine help and assistance. I had been so busy doing that I had not stopped and truly sat still in the presence of God. They were present with me in providing pastoral counseling. This counseling, which I believe most if not all leaders of any kind would benefit from, helped me to see areas of my life that were negatively impacting not only myself, but those around me who I love and care for. I am continually challenged to remember that I can’t do it all and that I need to stop and take in what God is doing and how it is impacting my life.
We were created for community. It may be cliche, but it is true. We need each other and when life turns us on our heads it is nice to have someone to help put us upright. Being there can be done in many ways. Sometimes it is a phone call or a text. Sometimes it is a visit and sometimes it is the opportunity to ensure someone is able to get the help they need. Your presence in whatever way, no matter if you think it is insignificant or not, is a part of the process of restoration and reconciliation.
Clarity
Just because we use the same words does not mean we have the same meaning. Even though we know this, we rarely take the time to be clear about what we mean. At the end of the day there were no promises made to me concerning my future with The Bonhoeffer Project. There was only the commitment to walk through this together and then sort out what needed to take place. Clarity is not just about meanings and where we are going, but the plan of how to get there. Without this plan and this clarity you are aiming at something, but you truly have no idea what that is. I am reminded regularly that the problem with clarity is clarity. Some people may not want to walk the path laid out, but not laying out a path does not work effectively to bring about restoration and reconciliation. Not having a plan brings confusion and brings more pain. Your plan needs to be specific enough to have a timeline, but flexible enough to realize it is being enacted by humans. Do the hard work to be clear about what you are talking about, what the future may or may not hold, and then to develop a plan that allows everyone to grow and move forward together. The goal must be for the good of all.
At some point what becomes clear is what needs to happen next. A plan that is built on love with clarity and presence allows for ongoing conversation and relationship. The plan we had in place allowed us to reach a point where we could start working together again. Many times ways are parted and that is the best for everyone involved, but that does not have to be the case. There is the opportunity for things to work out and genuine forgiveness to be offered and received.
Today
Today I sit on the National Leadership Team of The Bonhoeffer Project and serve as the Special Projects Manager. It is not the full time job I had planned for, but it is what God is doing with me at the moment. When we sat down to complete the process we began it was such a Spirit filled time. My wife, Cameron, and I got to hear the words of affirmation and confirmation from people who had been loving us as they accepted us and brought us back into full fellowship.
One thing still stands out above all the conversations. Jane, Bill’s wife, looked at us and shared that Bill had told her after the difficult conversations and decisions had been made that good was going to come from this. He was right. Never would I have imagined it at the moment, but God has used this in our lives and the lives of others for good. This does not mean that we are no longer affected by this. We are. We always will be. There are days that we still struggle greatly and the hurt and emotions of it all come flooding back. However, it no longer consumes us and we are able to push forward. My prayer is that by sharing this time in our lives someone can better handle similar situations when they arise in their lives or organizations. I have had the chance to learn much while working as the Operations Manager for a HVAC and Plumbing company. I have also had the opportunity to impact many people I would have never met if all these things would not have come to pass.
Though difficult to walk through, the opportunity to see men and women live out what the Scripture teaches has been refreshing and a joy to be a part of. It is this that allowed our family on this third anniversary to not lament the loss, but to celebrate what God has done and where he has us.
I leave you with some questions to ask yourself during similar situations. Remember that honesty with yourself is a must for anything productive to come to pass.
Is my hurt and pain going to blind me so I can’t see the heart of others involved?
Do I genuinely love the other person and want what is best for them?
How will I show love as we walk through difficult conversations and decisions?
Does some time need to pass before final decisions are made?
What is the desired outcome for everyone?
What needs to be done in order for the desired outcome to come about?
How will we know when the process laid out is complete?
